Everyone forgets a name now and then, but that does little to quell the hurt those on the receiving end can sometimes feel. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology highlighted how forgetting a person’s name can damage interpersonal relationships.
Daniel Willingham, a professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia, noted that while forgetting a name is an entirely common occurrence, it has a negative impact on the recipient.
“We assume that people remember things that matter to them,” he wrote. “That’s an unsurprising principle of memory, that the more important something is to you, the more likely you are to remember it. So there is this social cost to briefly forgetting someone’s name.”
But while it’s one thing to forget a name, it’s another whole level of embarrassment to refer to someone by the name of an ex.
Yet that’s the frustrating predicament one woman is facing, according to a post shared to Mumsnet under the handle chilledbubble.
Writing on the popular forum, she explained that despite the fact she has been with her husband for “just over 5 years” she has been called his ex-wife’s name on “multiple occasions.”
Her husband’s parents have done it “twice” while, worse still, his sister has said it a “few times,” including once on their wedding day.
“Our names aren’t similar. I look nothing like her,” she wrote, noting that it’s often said in front of her stepkids, and she finds it insulting to everyone involved."
She said she was able to “ignore” it on her wedding day, even though there was a “sharp intake of breath” from the assembled guests, but she’s increasingly “furious” at the continued snub.
“I guess it’s like they don’t see me as my own separate entity just interchangeable with the ex,” she concluded. “I think it’s rude.” To make matters worse, she says his family has never apologized for any of the mistakes.
Commenting on the purported predicament, many on social media sided firmly with the woman. Riverlee thought it was “definitely disrespectful” of the sister-in-law to get her name wrong at her wedding, with KindofCrunchy writing: “I would be cross too…your sister-in-law doesn’t even have the excuse of age to fall back on!”
Britneyisfree agreed they would be “furious” if that had happened to them, but did offer some sympathy to the family, noting: “My uncle has had a steady succession of girlfriends…I’m always almost calling them his ex wife’s name or avoiding calling them anything in case I get it wrong. People put people in groups.”
Saraclara, meanwhile, admitted making similar mistakes: “I still sometimes find myself half way through saying her ex’s name instead of her partner’s. I don’t know why.”
Ehatbow put it in a different way, writing: “To a large extent, to his family, you are ’the girlfriend,’ especially if you don’t see them often enough to have become close to them.” But chilledbubble wasn’t sold on that explanation replying: “It’s rude. They are different people.”
However, others like ButSrsly felt the woman was within her rights to be vexed, especially as they have never apologized for it. “They may not be able to help it but I would always say sorry for getting someone’s name wrong, I imagine most would surely?” they said. “And if I did it on their wedding day I’d be absolutely horrified and spend the next 10 years with it keeping me up at night.”
Whowhatwherewhy meanwhile told her: “You need to correct them when they do it if you find it rude.”
Newsweek has contacted chilledbubble for comment.
